I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
