I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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