My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize