Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
