Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
