He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
