dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
