I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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