Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
