I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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