They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
