Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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