does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
