This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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