$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
