I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
