You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
