so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
