How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize