ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
