I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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