Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize