at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
