We won't sleep together?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
