Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
