let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
