i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
