my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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