So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
