You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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