Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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