farters have to be the big spoon...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Please don't give away my fajitas
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
