Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
