I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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