I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
