If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just high enough for therapy.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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