I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
