I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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