Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
