I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm at about main and main street
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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