with your own penis?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
