i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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