sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
