Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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