you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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