But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
