Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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