AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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