everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I need water and some morals
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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