How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
