I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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