You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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