Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
