You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Randomize
