She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
