my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Floor bacon is actually really good
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize