I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
