you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
