its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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