so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He felt like a one man threesome
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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