well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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