Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize