you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
