my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
