I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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