Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
