For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
