ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize