Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
