they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize