glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
