there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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