Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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