I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
