If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
the raccoons are back...
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