My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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