found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
