$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
