Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
