I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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