I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
