new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
