So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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