Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
